Emotions

I am and have always been a very emotional person and with all my health issues and health scares and everything that has been going on the last few years it hasn't gotten any better, it is even more obvious now. I cry easily, I am easily overwhelmed by my feelings, certain lyrics or quotes or even emotional stories I hear on TV or the radio can make me tear up easily. It is nothing I do on purpose, nothing I can control really, but it is sometimes inappropriate in certain situations and I have tried to control it as much as possible, which seems to be the most stupid thing to do because why would you want to control your feelings and emotions to the point of actually hiding them, but unfortunately being overly emotional is not considered to be a beneficial trait in today's society.

As I am currently researching and learning as much as possible about the traits of being an HSP (highly sensitive person - you can read my post about it here) I have come to the conclusion that being overly emotional is just one of the many traits of being an HSP. Sensitivity and emotions go hand in hand and there really is nothing I can do about it. And I shouldn't have to do anything about it because it is one of the things that makes ME be ME. And I shouldn't have to apologize for being ME. Which unfortunately is one of the biggest problems I have. I have been told one too many times that being me is not satisfying for others around me. I have been told I should be different and behave differently and people have tried to make me behave differently, more the way they wanted, by means of negative comments about how I work or handle situations or how I react to obstacles that arise.

All this has mostly happened during my childhood and teen years, it mostly concerns the dynamics between me and my parents and I don't really want to go into too much detail about it. After all this is just a blog somewhere out in the wild WWW and even if it is quasi-anonymous and it is MINE, so I could basically write about whatever the f**k I want, some of it is just way too personal. Which is why I have been in therapy for a while and am currently trying to find a new therapist here after the move. Because I see the need in addressing these issues to overcome them and be happier afterwards.

The incident that triggered my curiosity about why I behave in certain ways and why I am so emotional about it was the behavior of someone I thought was my friend (and who might actually still consider herself one of my friends even though I am reconsidering it), but is someone who has a totally different approach to emotional situations than me. Somehow she can't accept that I am dealing with the emotional stress I am experiencing right now my way and not hers. And not only is she unable to accept it, she also doesn't want to help me deal with it my way, she would rather not hear about it at all, which means we won't be in contact anymore. She basically said "I can't be a good friend to you with that, I can't accept the way you want me to treat you (I said please be gentle,patient and easy with me and spare me the harsh words, I can't deal with it), I don't believe in gentle and easy and sparing you the truth, that's not doing you any good" Which made me reconsider the friendship and even for that I had to justify myself in front of my husband who thinks I shouldn't be too emotional about it ("why don't you accept her opinion and maybe try her approach, I am sure she only wants to help" - well, her approach is against MY nature, so thank you very much but NO thanks!)

I am emotional to a point where, if anything upsets me, I am unable to think about anything else and I am not happy or content and can't really focus on anything else 100% if my emotional situation is not solved or at least I have found the time and right person to talk and discuss it or ask for opinions and maybe am presented with a solution or a way to deal with it better. Plus I just don't want to talk to people about anything else concerning myself, emotions, worries, heartache or anything in general if I know there is a topic I have to exclude. If a friend is not there for me 100% and excludes certain things from the list of topics (especially emotional things), I just don't want to be friends anymore. The way I understand friendship is "I am always there for you, no matter what and I will help you as much as I can" If that means dealing with emotional things the way my friend needs it, even if I have to listen to her irrational ramblings 100 times, I will do it and I won't make her feel stupid for behaving the way she does.

How do you handle your feelings? Are you very emotional?

Irene