9/11

So yesterday was the 10th anniversary of 9/11. I can’t believe it’s been 10 years already. 2011 also is the 10^th anniversary for me and my (now) husband. We had just started dating a few weeks earlier back in 2001.

I remember the day like it was yesterday, I remember where I was when I heard the news, I can still tell you exactly what I did afterwards. I remember being in total shock, not only because of what had happened but also because it directly affected me. If my life had taken a slightly different turn a few months before I would have been there, in New York that day. I had been sad for a few weeks that my plans hadn’t worked out, but right then I was glad they hadn’t. I know, it is a historical day, usually people would say it is great to be there when history is created, but I think I am better off with not having been there.

I was living and studying in my hometown in Germany. I lived in my own apartment, about 25 minutes from my parents. That day I was on the bus, on my way to see my parents. It was 3 pm in Germany, I was going to have coffee with my mom and my siblings and we had tickets for a Circus Show that evening. My boyfriend sent me a text message while I was on my way, telling me that there had been an accident and it seems like a small plane had crashed into the WTC ( I think it said something like “a Cessna has hit the WTC, I heard it on the radio”). He was at work and was listening to the radio. I had to change from the bus to the metro outside the central station and I went inside to the main hall because I knew they had a huge flatscreen TV there. The usually busy and loud hall was awfully quiet and there were a lot of people there, staring at the screen. The second plane hit and everyone was shocked. I stood there for quite a while and couldn’t believe it. They were showing it over and over again and finally I decided I wanted to go home to my parents as fast as possible. I made it to my parents’ house and when I came in I asked “is the TV on” and my mom told me that the first tower had just collapsed a few minutes ago.  We sat in front of the TV for the rest of the afternoon; we also called my dad to discuss if we really wanted to go to the Circus that night. He came home as soon as he was able to leave work and brought some flyers they had been handing out across town about what had happened. We did go to the Show even though no one really felt like it. My dad said it wouldn’t be fair for those Circus people, who had been planning and practicing the Show. For me it kind of felt wrong to enjoy myself while at the other end of the people died.

I was even more affected by the attacks because I had a good friend who was in New York that day. I knew him from university and he was there for a Semester abroad. A few months prior I had heard that my university offered a Scholarship Program with the New School New York. It included Tuition and a small monthly payment for living expenses. They only had two places available though. I applied, hoping I would be able to spend a Semester in New York. I had come to love the USA after my year as an Au Pair and wanted to return. My friend also applied and we were already making plans about spending the semester together as we didn’t know about anyone else who had applied. Unfortunately (for me) shortly before the application deadline was over we learned that we weren’t the only people who applied and in the end he got one of the Scholarships and I didn’t. I was sad and frustrated for a while but then I met my (now) husband and was kind of glad I didn’t have to leave soon for 6 months as we had just started dating in August. I thought that I will definitely get the change to go to New York again, maybe I would just apply again the next year and I had planned to visit my friend in New York. He left at the beginning of September and I remember that he actually visited the Twin Towers only a few days before Sept. 11. He showed me pictures later on. On the day he was already in school but the other german Student who had gotten the Scholarship was still on his way to classes (he was in a few of my classes back home but I hardly knew him). He had to hide in the metro somewhere and was traumatized afterwards, he nearly gave up the program. It took two days before I reached my friend on his cell phone and heard he was OK. I was shocked that I would have been there if things had worked out slightly different.

I hate how the world has been affected by the attacks, especially the USA. I remember my year as an Au Pair in 98/99, life was good back then. I fell in love with the Country and wanted to return as often as possible, maybe even to live and work there, and 9/11 made it soo hard to do that. It just changed everything. My husband and I were in the US for our vacation (in Florida) on Sept. 11, 2002. It wasn’t intentionally, we only realized it after booking our flights and hotel that we would be there that day. I remember it was on the news and the radio all day and we felt slightly weird. We were discussing if there are any landmarks which could possibly be attacked in Florida (like Cape Canaveral) but decided that no one would probably be stupid enough to attack at the same day again. I also hate how unsecure I feel when I have to fly now. I never had a problem with flying until I was on a scary flight a few years before 2001, so even before 9/11 I already didn’t like being inside a plane, now I am already scared when I enter the airport, I start shaking if anything out of the ordinary happens, everyone becomes suspicious to me.  I used to love travelling; now I am an emotional nutcase if I think about flying. I hate the world being at war with everyone and each other, people are easily scared, nations start fighting over nothing, the war on terror now cost more lives than the attacks themselves.

Life will never be the same, never be as carefree as it used to be when I was a kid. My children will grow up in a different world. I wish they didn’t have too, I think my childhood was much better than theirs will ever be, because even though the world wasn’t perfect it was much more peaceful.

Irene